(Photo taken after a huge BM and at the end of a fruitful colonic. Don’t be fooled, there is still almost ALWAYS more to come!)

So this morning I woke up at 5:50 and was exhausted! My first thought was,
“Ohhh…sun is rising, wonder if my babies are gonna wake up soon or if I still have time to sleep.” My second thought was, “I went to bed at 10, it’s almost 6. Although I tossed and turned much throughout the night, that is still almost 8 straight hours of being somewhat asleep. Not bad.”

Yesterday, as I mentioned, I was really hungry. I probably should have had a colonic as the toxicity tends to make us crave food more, but I didn’t have the time. I had more smoothies than on other days and topped the evening off with 1 & ½ smashed up avocado with sea salt and lime juice. Smashed avocado isn’t quite as broken down as it is when it’s in a smoothie, so I make sure to swish it around my mouth a lot before swallowing (to get the enzymes going) and then chase it with a couple of digestive enzymes.

This morning, about 10 minutes after waking up, feeling heavy, tired and in need of more rest, I felt like I may have a bowel movement. Thinking it was most likely a false alarm as my digestive system has slowed down due to the cleanse, I was mapping out when I would have time for a colonic and then something amazing happened! Now this part is going to get slightly graphic so I warn you now. But come on, I am a Colon Hydrotherapist and owner of a center where we specialize in CHT so it would be unrealistic to think we weren’t gonna get to the nitty gritty at some point!

I had a perfect and massive BM (bowel movement), the kind you wanna write about and take a picture of! All the oils from the avocados and coconut shakes I had yesterday really lubricated my system and my body just opened up. I could feel the downward bearing sensation as this massively long and thick, soft but totally formed BM descended down and out of me as though it were in slow motion, and I could literally feel the heavy, lethargic, dismal feeling of not wanting to do anything leaving my body slowly as I released this massive mound. About 30 seconds later I was left feeling light, AWAKE and totally optimistic about the day and life in general. Remember yesterday when I talked about the body sensitizing and feeling the nutrients filling you with every sip of your juice? Well it’s the same sensation on the way out! Remarkable how different I can feel in literally 30 seconds.

And it got me thinking to how basic it all really is. Eating, pooing and sleeping. Those are the basic bare bone necessities in life. When a child is born, there are two primal concerns we have as parents: first, make sure the baby stays alive(!) and second, get some sleep! In order for these two things to happen, it is imperative that the child eats, digests, poos and gets some sleep so we can get some sleep. Your whole life becomes a mapping out of when the baby needs to eat, when it will be pooing and when we may all sleep again. I had charts counting and calculating the hours. I could plan exactly when my child would be pooing. If we were getting in the car, I knew when I had to feed my child to make sure we would be able to get out of the car in time for a change by the time she or he needed to poo. Fundamentals. Basic survival tactics.

So what happens to that? At some point we stop paying such close attention to our internal clocking system as we engage in other activities in life. Walking, talking, going to school, falling in love, earning a living. But perhaps if we went back to the fundamentals and paid a little more attention to what’s happening inside our bodies, our lives would be calmer, happier and more predictable in a positive way!

When my kids were potty training we would make a big fuss in the bathroom as many families do. But in our household it is truly a magical moment. I’ve always stayed with my kids while they would poo, often holding them to help them balance on the big potty and feel secure, noses touching, smelling one another’s breath and often whispering but talking about deep subjects. It became a sacred time that they would feel totally secure, sharing with me the thoughts that occupy their mind. Our special, private and very intimate time together in total confidence and filled with love. And after we always look at our creation, our “zucchini pie” as we like to secretly refer to it and I would declare excitedly, “now THAT is going to make you feel SOOOO MUCH BETTER!” And now my kids always make that declaration as they look at their zucchini pies in the potty and then look up at me and say “Mama? How come all the time you say dat is gonna make me feel sooo much betta?” And I say, “Well doesn’t it?” And they smile and nod their heads.

When I was in college I learned how to be bulimic and a long history of binging and purging surfaced. The end result was a shot digestive system with little to no peristaltic action (the contractions that help to move matter through the digestive system) and about 1 BM a week if I was lucky. It was a very dark time in my life. After suffering with depression in high school and trying to move past it, I found myself constantly depressed even though I was out of the house and finally had some freedom that I was longing for. Why was I still so depressed? It made me hate myself even more. I felt dark inside and like I wanted to isolate myself from others, literally feeling unworthy of love or being physically near people. This lasted for years. I tried many methods of therapy and even anti-depressants and other mood stabilizers but still I struggled. Then I found cleansing. I learned how to juice cleanse and THEN I discovered colonics. I went for colonics for 3 years on a weekly basis while retraining the muscle of my colon to work again. It changed my life forever. (Read more about my personal journey.) And I realized that so much of the darkness, the self-loathing, the sadness was really just poo. The poo was poisoning me from the inside out. I was trying to medicate myself from every which way other than actually addressing the problem. My body wasn’t’ working properly and when I was filled with shit, I felt like shit and had shitty thoughts. When I would clear that out I felt clear, and life was filled with possibilities.

I love the discoveries I have made and the work that I do and the possibility of helping others to discover the power they own to change their own lives dramatically and forever. Now I’m not saying there aren’t other real problems out there that might depress us or that their aren’t people with real chemical imbalances that may improve with western medicine. But I AM saying that there is the GREAT possibility that if you change the internal environment, you very well may see (and here’s where I bet my money every time I have the courage to do so) a direct correlated shift in your external environment. I know I do. EVERY time!! And this can be a frightening concept for a lot of people, might even piss you off because what it means is that we are more accountable for our own lives than we may care to give ourselves credit for. Once you take on that accountability, it is very hard to ever close your eyes to it again. You can, and you probably will, but you’ll know that you are doing it and eventually you will need to face yourself again. When you are ready.

Our potentials are tremendous. When I look at my own life, although I have a grand old time getting on my self-deprecating, “Let’s beat up Arul and think of all the ways she’s not living up to her potential” egomania train, when I shut that tape off and look at my accomplishments I am not only amazed, but I am truly proud of myself! And why not? I had no idea that I would be a single mother of two young children and running a business on my own (well, I do have the support of a truly talented and skilled staff who are all enlightened loving souls!) while still not throwing myself under the bus and carving out the time to take care of myself.

Over the years, I’ve struggled with putting others’ needs in front of my own. And I feel good about what I have done and what I am doing. And every time it starts with what I put in my mouth and how much I am able to let it go. And when I say, let it go, I mean all of it. Not JUST the poo, but the emotional and mental ties we have to holding onto our pain. I take spin class at Soul Cycle, which I LOVE and recommend highly. One of my beloved teachers, Marvin, always reminds us to “let it go.” This mantra has permeated my brain waves and my soul and constantly I am reminded to let it go. Just let it go. All of it. The poo, the negative thoughts, the ideas that we can’t do something or that we can’t let something go…we can. It’s just a training, a discipline, like everything else.

P.S. My yeast infection is totally gone!

Arul Goldman is the Founder and Director of SanaVita.Read Arul’s next post.