This is how I woke up this morning. Puffy eyed, bloated, swollen and lethargic as hell. For 2 days I comforted myself with food and now am really feeling it! Sure I made the wholesome stuff, chopped organic veggies stir-fried with coconut oil and garlic, etc. Smoothies. But then at night I craved the salty sinful stuff that I NEVER allow myself to eat. Bagged chips. I raided my kids’ snack drawer and this is the result. And what I had to do now seemed insurmountable. I had to get out of bed. Wash my face. Brush my teeth. And get dressed to leave the house. UNBELIEVABLE! How could I accomplish these tasks? How ridiculous a question after all I’ve stepped up to the plate for in the past. These simple mundane rituals are suddenly so difficult.

But I did it. For the third day in a row I did not make my bed. But at least I got out of it and out of the house. I missed spin class 3 days in a row. I signed up yesterday for this morning’s 9:30am resolution burn with one of my favorite instructors, Danny Kopal. I got a bike right up front next to him and was to ride my heart out for 90 straight minutes (classes are usually 45 minutes long). I’ve only done a 90-minute ride once before in my life and I was in prime condition to take it on. This was scary. After days of lying around and stuffing my face, feeling stiff and bloated I needed to face this challenge. And I did it.

Danny’s affirmations were inspiring and truthful as usual. All about surrendering, just letting it go. Whatever the IT was. And challenging ourselves to be the most outstanding we can be. Go the distance. Leave it all behind and ride toward our fullest potential in the New Year. Intermittently, I often find myself shouting out a guttural “YEAH!!” or “YES!!!” when I’m really struggling and what he says at that moment gives me the extra push I needed to march forward little soldier!

After a regular class I usually feel ALLLL better. Ready to take on the world. But today’s fix, although it helped me tremendously, was really just a first step to getting back to my own starting point. But it pushed me over the hump for sure. I was able to go to the center. Do some work and give myself a colonic to get some of the disgusting waste I could feel myself carrying around OUT! That helped too, but still there was the heaviness in my heart and I came home to work for a few more hours and get ready to snuggle into bed. But my friends wouldn’t have that and came to me so we could cheers the New Year in together. And so I got further out of my glum mood and half-assed made my bed. (I ALWAYS start each day with a freshly made bed. If you can’t even make your own bed, HOW are you expected to go out and do anything in the world?) I hadn’t made my bed in 3 now. It was another start upward.

So tomorrow I will go into the New Year in a much better space. I’ll sleep in as I stayed up till midnight (and a little after) after all. But I will NOT be a hung-over mess! And I will be gentle with myself as it’s my last day without my babies as they will come home on Thursday. I’ve missed them SO much, but for sure the show will be ON as soon as they walk through that door.

And each and everyday will get brighter and better as we passed the hump of the longest, darkest day of the year. Only longer, brighter days ahead.

And I WILL make my bed 1st thing when I wake up tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing you all in the new year of TRANSFORMATION and to seeing many of you tomorrow at SanaVita for our New Moon / New Year / 28-Day Cleanse workshop!

Happy Day 1 everybody!

Arul Goldman is the Founder and Director of SanaVita.